Pivotal Moments
by Jamille Shane
Summary: We all know Spock entered Starfleet and as a result he and Sarek didn't speak for years. The beginning of that 18 years tests things between Sarek and Amanda. Lots of baggage. Admittedly Amanda-centric. Looks like it will be 5 chapters, give or take a chapter. Regular universe, not a mirrorTale!
1. Chapter 1

One

Amanda didn't even fully realize what she was doing until she was in the middle of doing it. She was packing her bag. She had had it. This was it. This was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. She always knew, somewhere in the back of her mind, that at some point in their marriage some issue, some 'thing', would come along and force a permanent wedge between her and Sarek. Married to someone such as he, with such extreme beliefs, it was bound to occur at some point.

Years had come and gone. They had had their trials, disagreements and cold spells. But they had always made it through. That was the nature of marriage. She had mistakenly begun to believe that since they had gotten past all of that, nothing would separate them, ever. But this, this was 'it' for her.

Spock had joined Starfleet. And Sarek was more than 'not pleased'. Every time she initiated anything within their bond, she could feel his emotions. He was livid. He was outraged. It was a real and true and churning pit of black anger threatening to swallow them both. No amount of meditation seemed to be curing it.

In her opinion, Sarek could state his logical reasons for being estranged from his son; to her it was bull. Though she did not agree with his decision, she knew Sarek had free will just as much as Spock did. And if their son made his decision knowing what the outcome would be and Sarek made his decision about Spock's decision, truly there was nothing she could do about that. But there was one sticking point in Sarek's reasoning that Amanda objected quite vocally about. Her contact, or lack thereof, with Spock.

##

_One Month Before_

"My wife, he who is our son has gone against family tradition and departed for Starfleet Command. You are aware that I will remain within my correct and logical decision to not speak with him again until he has returned to the True Vulcan Way."

Her stomach knotted. Every time she thought about it directly, her stomach revolted. This situation they happened to be in, it hurt too much. The two men she loved the most in her life were no longer on speaking terms. "I know, Sarek. And there's no reason for us to speak about it, again."

"My wife, you have done a commendable duty in hearing all I have had to say about this. You objected and yet you have not attempted to sway me beyond that. It is commendable that you have contained your human emotions on this subject and have not attempted to sway me. For that, I thank you."

Amanda had a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach and fear was starting to slide down her body in waves. She felt like a deer in headlights and was frozen to the spot, temporarily speechless. She knew Sarek. He was doing the diplomat thing on her. He was giving her a compliment because he was about to ask her to do something she really didn't want to do. She had a feeling what that thing was. "And?"

"My wife?"

"There's something more here. I don't know what it is, but there's something you want from me. Just come out and say it already."

He regarded his wife coolly. It amazed him at times how insightful she was on his modes of thought. "You have yet to tell me of your decision, Amanda."

She felt herself frowning. Usually she could hold her poker face with Sarek, but not today. Not when it had to do with Spock. Never when it had to do with Spock. "My decision?" she asked.

"You should, logically, side with your husband and also not speak with our offspring. It will cause him to, perhaps, return home sooner and that-"

He was still midsentence and she found herself bolting from the room, refusing to hear the rest of it. As she fled, the words fell from her mouth, "Don't you dare ask me to do what I think you-"

"It is only correct, Amanda," he interrupted with his own words as he followed behind her. "We must present a united front."

"Dammit, Sarek, who do you think you _are_?" she found herself saying as she whirled around and finally confronted him. Her hands were fisted at her sides and she wished that none of this was taking place.

But here it was. He knew these words had to be spoken by her, knew she must pass through a firestorm of anger before she could begin to see reason so that they could get past this moment and become united in their front to cause their son to return home where he belonged. "I am your husband. And when we bonded you agreed to support me above all others. That includes even any children we produced or raised together."

She looked around herself. Anytime they got into it she lost track of where she was and what she was doing, developed a sort of tunnel vision. She saw she was still within their personal suite of rooms at the embassy in San Francisco. There would be no witnesses to anything shameful she happened to do or say. The wide window looked out over the sights of the city. Dark was descending and she stared at the sight of the place she had grown to love over the years. The window looked outward, but it was fitted with Privacy Glass so no one could see in. She stared at the skyline, wishing she could disappear into it. They had had happy times and sad times in this place, looking out over that skyline. This that was happening right now was neither. This was hell.

They were supposed to be returning to Vulcan in a month. As she forced her mind back to where she was, she found herself sinking down onto the common room couch, deeply disturbed. "Why do we have to do this?" she whispered more to herself than to him. "Why can't we just leave this alone? Just let it be and move on?" And in the back of her mind, she was thinking, '_Not again. First Sybok and now Spock.'_

"Amanda, you are aware that it is not logical to avoid a subject simply because it is unpleasant. I will have your word that you will not speak with he who is our son until he returns to the proper way of things. Until he comes home and attends the Vulcan Academy of Sciences as I have done and as also my father has done it is imperative that-"

"You want my word _now_? Right _now_? Tonight?" she asked, openly incredulous.

There was an immovable wall in his mind, and he stood behind it. "At this very moment."

Anger shot through her as she stood quickly, her eyes ablaze. "Let me tell you something, Sarek! I have a right, just like anyone else, to take my time and think about something before I make a decision! I have a right to think about the ins and outs and the ramifications and do my own calculations and assessments with things having to do with my personal life! And don't you even think for a _second_ that just because your IQ happens to be higher than mine that I will _ever_ allow you to do my thinking _for_ me! I still possess my own mind!"

He stood there and thought about what she had just said. He could find no fault with the words, though they were delivered too emotionally. But she was of Earth, it was to be expected. He excused her emotions and nodded at her in deference. "Very well. I will have your answer on the next rising-"

"You will _have_ my answer when I _give_ it to you." And her arms were folded, her face set, her eyes blazing even more.

He looked closely at his wife. Were there tears in the corners of her eyes? It should not have mattered to him, but it did. "Very well. I will press you no more at this time."

"Thank you for that, at least," she bit out at him and then left the common room.

##

The incident brought back all the baggage from just five years before. Sybok, banished, never to return.

Her step-son had been in their home long enough for her to see him as almost hers just as much as Spock. So when he began to do research into questionable things, began to voice his dissent with the _Kir'Shara_… the strain between father and son entered the home. And the things Sybok had done had not ended there. No, he sank even deeper into trouble. True problems began when he started to try and recruit followers. That attracted the attention of the Masters and the Priesthood. He was promptly taken into custody.

They attempted to work with Sybok, help him from his form of mental and spiritual illness. But he was a gifted telepath on many levels manifesting abilities that had been forbidden for many years. He had obviously researched them, delved into the forbidden on an in-depth level. He was also unwilling to let them go. He was, to put it plainly, unable to be rehabilitated.

He was branded a heretic, an apostate … V'tosh ka'tur. He was expelled from Vulcan. Sybok, for his part, left willingly in what he claimed was joy at being set free from the bondage of unemotionalism.

And here it was, all over. Back then, since they still lived on Vulcan, she had been unable to show how she truly felt. But it manifested itself in other ways. Amanda had had sleepless nights, had become quite physically ill on several occasions within the privacy of their home. As a result of the stress, she lost an unhealthy amount of weight. Time passed and Sybok did not attempt to communicate with them. Gradually she became well again and knew that if anyone could take care of themselves, it was Sybok. She had to admit to herself, at some point, that what her step-son had done was very dangerous. She shuddered to think of a universe with Vulcans with full mental abilities and no mental or emotional controls. It all passed in time. He was simply gone and there was nothing she could do about it.

Now she was becoming sick again, sick to her stomach. And the weight was dropping off. But this time it was worse. T'Pau had insisted, however, that Spock had not transgressed against the _Kir'Shara_ or The Vulcan Way and would not be banished. But Sarek insisted that to follow in the footsteps of your fathers before you was a part The Vulcan Way and neither of his sons had chosen to do so.

There was too much happening, too much going on and her thoughts and emotions were racing on a daily basis. She rose every morning to a man with a demanding question in his eyes and that question continually stretched across the bond between them. He had given her room, at first, but her time was almost cut short, she could tell. She knew him well. He was going to demand an answer and soon. And he was going to demand she side with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Two

Her bag was packed. Sarek had been away on a diplomatic assignment for the past week. She had had enough time to think, rest and reflect while he was gone. He would be home in less than twenty-four hours…and she would be gone by then.

##

_The Week Before_

She sat up on the bio bed and the doctor sighed. There was a story here waiting to be told. But would the ambassador's wife tell it? That was the question of the hour. "Amanda, you've got some superior medical services over at the Vulcan embassy, don't you?" asked Dr. Bayne.

He had been her doctor for years before she'd left for Vulcan. He was in his seventies, but thanks to the medical advances of their day he was still in more than excellent health. "Yes, I get free health services at the embassy. And since they're Vulcans they are oh-so-thorough, you're right. But whenever I'm on Earth I like to come back here. It's nice to see a familiar face, you know? I'm sure you understand."

He laughed as he said what she was not saying. "It's the Vulcan doctor's bedside manner!"

"Yes, it leaves a lot to be desired!" she found herself admitting as she laughed out loud for the first time in weeks.

He sat down in his chair as his laughter faded and began to regard her with the most serious of expressions. "Your test results show everything's in proper working order and everything is doing what it should be doing for now. However…" his words trailed off and he only sat there and shrugged after that.

"However?" she asked, wondering what he was getting at.

"Amanda, your stress levels are through the roof. I've never seen this with you before, not like this. Not even when you were carrying that pint-sized hybrid was your system in this much mayhem. No wonder you can't keep anything down these days."

She nodded absently, trying to keep the thoughts from intruding as to why she was under so much stress. "Is that so?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Amanda. I believe you know exactly what's going on in your life that's stressing you out. This is no isolated anxiety disorder."

But she sat there and said nothing.

"Do you at least want to talk about it?" he tried again.

She sighed as she folded her arms and gave up on sitting up straight. "No. Not really," she said as she practically slumped over. For a woman in her early forties she was looking a lot like a teenager as she sat there, an air of uncertainty drifting into her troubled expression. This was usually not allowed. As Sarek's wife she had to look calm, reassuring and unassuming all at once. She was good at that. But right now, that was a little too much work.

He shook his head. "Well I highly recommend you _do_ talk about it. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. You can talk to a professional psychologist or a counselor. I have someone I could recommend."

She shook her head. "That's all right."

"Even a close friend, just find _someone_, talk to someone. You need to do this, Amanda. Talk to someone and unload it all. It'll do you a world of good. But you're going to have to do something because anymore of this stress and things in your body will most certainly stop working in the correct way. And then you're going to be in a real world of trouble."

She thought carefully about how she worded her question. "How about if I got away from the source of my stress? What about then? Do you think that would help?"

"Certainly. But a woman your age should know by now, you can't outrun your problems. They come back for you at some point."

She nodded almost sadly. "I know you're right."

"And take some medication, for goodness sakes! You need a tranquilizer or something. Can I at least give you that?"

"I don't know if I want to-"

"Truthfully, _are_ you sleeping? Because your sleep is about to really go bye-bye if you don't get some help."

She admitted to herself, finally, that she really did feel like a mess. "Oh fine. Give me the meds. I'll take them."

He paused before he asked his next question. "Have you been having anxiety attacks?" he asked quietly in a most delicate way.

She found herself shrugging almost stupidly as tears sprang to her eyes. She tried to beat them back by rapid blinking, but it was no use.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he mumbled as he began writing out a prescription. "When you get this filled, I want you to get as much sleep as you can and relax for a few days. Then I want you to go on vacation."

Her eyes grew happy. "I'll go and visit a friend of mine!"

"Don't take too long to get there," he advised. "The nurse will put your prescription through and we'll have it delivered to the embassy within four hours, all right?"

"That'll be fine," she said with a smile.

##

Since Sarek was gone on his assignment, it was easy to get the sleep and relaxation prescribed to her by her doctor. Her body was so exhausted that at first she couldn't even think about the problems in her life.

Every time she thought of Spock she began to shake and the crying would begin. He was a young man, to be sure. He was out of the home, on his own, taking care of himself. But all she saw was the baby she brought home who was so helpless and unable to do a thing. The small toddler who still smiled with joy at the slightest thing. The small boy who came home in tears because he was taunted for not being 'a real Vulcan'. The small child who beat an older Vulcan child to a pulp in defense of her, his mother. The little man in her life who found her lost family diamond with his school science project sensor. The older he had become, the more serious he became. As was expected of him. But she was always 'Mother'.

Pretty soon taking the pills became an escape. She would think of her son, the tears would start to roll and she would take a pill and cry herself to sleep. After days of sleep, she woke up one morning and realized this was not healthy. The sleep was good, but the wallowing was not. She forced herself not to take a pill and thought that day for the first time in days. And then she knew exactly what it was she wanted to do.

After packing, she left the embassy via the side exit. No one saw her go. But she knew the security cameras would catch her exit. That was fine to her. She had left Sarek notice as to why she was going. She needed to get her head together because this thing with their son was threatening to take her apart from the inside.

##

Sarek returned home from his assignment expecting to see the welcoming face of Amanda. But their room at the embassy was silent when he arrived. He thought perhaps she had gone to attend the new gallery that was opening not far away and had been highly advertised for some weeks before. He remembered her mentioning it to him before he had departed for his assignment.

He moved further into their embassy rooms and found himself frowning. There was evidence here that his mind was presenting and putting together, piece by piece.

Amanda's soft slippers were gone. She always kept a pair at the side of the bed for any nocturnal visits to the kitchens downstairs.

His suspicion hitched up a notch and he hurriedly went to their shared closet and practically wrenched it open. Any harder and he would have taken it off its hinges. He calculated the size of the space that was now unoccupied. A quarter of the clothing she had traveled there with was gone. Wherever she had gone, she was traveling lightly. But she was gone.

A feeling hit him in the chest like the sensation of being kicked, hard. He should have expected this, but he hadn't.

He traveled rapidly to his office there at the embassy and knew if she left him any form of communiqué, it would be there. He opened his office door and there was a PADD on his desk, seemingly waiting for him.

He quickly activated it as a feeling in the pit of his stomach akin to nausea took root. There was a message, waiting for him. The time signature said she had left barely four hours before. The security cameras, he knew, would confirm this. He could still catch her! But first, he had to know exactly what she had to say.

He activated the message:

"I don't have much to say to you," she said, her face halfway defeated. She had been beautiful in her 20s, but in her 40s now she was mature and more than exquisite looking. But he never told her that, he simply trust that she knew this. He watched her exquisite face as it changed to a serious expression that was nothing but sad. "I decided if I can't speak to our son, then I don't want to talk to you either. I'm tired, Sarek, truly tired of all this blatherskite you're throwing at me. I haven't been well and- and I can't take the way things are anymore and I don't appreciate you making me choose this way. I'm just so angry at you about so many things and you never want to talk about them. You act like they don't exist or if it's just so illogical there is no reason for us to discuss them! Well I don't agree. I never have. So now I need to go and get myself together. I'm worn down by all of this and the doctor says if I don't get some stress relief my health is in serious trouble. Just- I'm not a Vulcan and I shouldn't be expected to act like one and that's all. I'm not doing this anymore. Good-bye."

'At a loss for words' more than described his situation. He sat there definitely feeling bereft. She was already gone and to make matters worse she had left no word on where she was going. He remembered what she had said in the message about her health. He frowned as he replayed it. He was only able to survey Amanda's face, but it definitely showed signs of weight loss.

With a flash of ingenuity, he decided to take every clue he had and give chase. He was going to find his wife. He hadn't decided exactly what they would do once they reunited, but it was imperative that he find her immediately. She was his wife and he was unwilling to let her go.

##

Amanda went straight for Earth's space station. Being the ambassador's wife had its benefits, but there was no way she was going to use her status to travel anywhere. The purpose of her trip was supposed to be to get away and think without pressure. And seeing Sarek was going to fill her with nothing but pressure.

She loved him very much, but she loved her son, too, and she didn't think it was right she had to choose between them. She was sitting by herself, an anonymous citizen in regular clothing. Without wearing the robes and the standard of The House of Sarek or the S'chn T'gai guardsmen around her, she blended in with the crowd. She was like anyone else at that point. She leaned back realized she could breathe without worry and for the first time in a long while felt…free. She didn't feel as if she had to act or be a certain way. She didn't have the feeling in her mind that she was going to get pushed to do something she didn't want to do, to never speak to her child again.

Looking out through the wide expansive window at the dark of space, she could see ships moving into and out of the station. Her thoughts flashed back to the day she realized she might be pregnant with Spock and she found herself grinning a little. Confirmation of the pregnancy had been a welcome piece of news to her. And to watch him grow through the years…

Her smile faded as she remembered how every normalcy for human children had to, basically, be smuggled to him by her. Of course, Vulcan ways and customs took precedence. She knew that that was the way it had to be. But she never understood why she had been begrudged the passing on of so much as he grew. She had at least been able to read to him nightly because she had put her foot down about that.

_Everything I ever wanted to do for him that was not the Vulcan norm was seen as contamination. And why did it take this to happen for me to realize how __**angry**__ I was about that?_

Her ship wouldn't be ready to leave for another three hours. As she sat there, thinking, she grew angrier and angrier. And she wasn't satisfied with keeping that anger, these issues, to herself. She didn't want to speak to anyone else about her anger, either. She had to acknowledge, it was time she and Sarek had a true dialogue about this, about everything. It was time to get it all out in the open. She couldn't leave, yet. She had to talk to him first. She at least owed him that…and herself.

##

Sarek was about to leave for Earth's space station. He calculated that this was the most likely place his wife would travel. He wished the marital bond was like sonar that would pinpoint her exact location, but it didn't work that way, especially when she was blocking his efforts. He couldn't help but be a little proud at how well Amanda had learned to maneuver things in their bond though she was not a born telepath.

Suddenly, there was something being transmitted via the bond. He wondered how this could be. She was approaching his location at this time? How was that possible?

##

It was dark by the time she landed back in San Francisco. She had to laugh at herself a little. When it came down to it, she had panicked and run. It so wasn't her. That's why she couldn't do it. At least not yet. There were words that needed to be said and answers she felt she deserved to get. It was the baggage of a marriage that had lasted nearly twenty years. And it was all coming to a head.

She hated fighting, hated serious confrontation. The sight of it happening to others made her sick to her stomach. And the immovable wall Sarek often operated behind anytime they had issues made her more willing to simply let things go. But it was time for this, once and for all. It would determine their future. Whether they stayed together or she left for good.

She went back home, suitcase in hand, and was surprised as she walked into the embassy to find Sarek, seemingly, on his way out.

_Hmmm… I'm gone how long and he's already on with his life?_ It stung to think that way and told herself to not jump to conclusions, to see this through.

"Amanda, I- I did not expect to find you so quickly. You were… I did not know you would return home so soon."

"Find me?"

His face betrayed nothing. "I was about to try and ascertain where you might be. My calculations led me to Earth's space station since it seemed most logical for you to leave the planet and journey to-"

She dropped her suitcase where she stood and interrupted, with attitude, "Why?"

He looked around the lobby. Though it was empty, there were still a few personnel in the building. "Perhaps we should retire to our rooms and have our conversation there."

She stood there and thought about that for a couple of seconds. "All right," she relented. She was surprised when she went to pick up her bag, because Sarek crossed the space between them in three strides and took it away from her. She sensed it through the bond. If she wished to leave again, the next time he was going to make it as difficult as possible for her to go.

It was a silent few minutes as they turned, took the left almost winding staircase and ascended to the next floor. They walked down the long hallway and made a couple of turns until they reached the private part of the embassy. Sarek's keycard and retinal scan gave them access. He closed the door behind them and they were in the part of the embassy that was their personal suites. They continued onward past the family common room and into their bedroom suite. The door closed behind them and Amanda found herself comforted by the sight of the room. But this conversation that was about to happen, it was not going to be pleasant, she knew. But things needed to be said. She needed to stop being afraid and start speaking up. Today was that day.

* * *

_A/N - I decided to get this story out as fast as possible. So I will update again within the next few days. I know where I'm going with it and while inspiration is rolling I decided to jump on the log and roll with it._

_Thank you very much for all the reviews, to all the people that have reviewed so far. I really, truly appreciate it. Every time I get a review I write faster, lol! I hope I don't disappoint you all with the next chapter because it might get seriously ugly.  
_


	3. Chapter 3

Three

She sat down on their bed and took a deep breath in and out, willing herself to be calm. There was a lot that needed saying, but she wasn't exactly ready to volunteer it. She was angry, but she knew if she was too emotional when she expressed her anger Sarek was apt to dismiss her words. It was another reason she found herself angry with him a lot of the time. Without knowing how to put her outrage into a non-emotional context she was finding it difficult to speak. She sat there, searching for the correct words but they failed to come. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"Amanda," he said, finally breaching the heavy silence between the two of them, "Please, my wife, speak to me. Tell me of what is in your mind."

"Why do you care?" she found herself asking in a knee-jerk reaction to his request. And there it was again, unmitigated anger!

"Because you are my wife. There should be harmony between us, should there not?" he asked as he delicately sat down on the bed, though not directly next to her.

"Then why have you, all of these years, gone to your best efforts to try to pretend I am what I am not?"

He shook his head. "That is not logical, Amanda. I know of no such actions."

"No, Sarek, you! YOU are not logical!"

He frowned. "I see no reason to insult me."

"You married me," she charged, "and what did you expect? Did you think we _wouldn't_ have differences? That I would suddenly just stop acting like a human? That I would automatically look up to you and stop thinking for myself and just fall in line? I agree with the Vulcan way and with logic, but it seems to me that you don't agree with anything about being human."

"Amanda, if this is about our son-"

"This is not_ just_ about Spock! Yes, I said his name. Spock. We had- We HAVE a son, and his name is Spock! And you had another son who became mine, and his name is-"

"Do NOT speak his name!" he said almost heatedly.

"SYBOK! His name was SYBOK! He was real! He existed! He was a person! And he had his own mind and-" she found herself bawling, tears clouding her vision, voice shaking, unable to take the emotions washing over her. All pretext of trying to speak from a logical point of view went out of the window as her face heated up. "I understand how it is! I understand he had to be exiled! But how can you pretend he never existed? How can _we_ keep pretending that? I should have put my foot down back then, all of those years ago! I should never have let you get rid of all of his pictures and all of his papers and the possessions that he left behind! If I'd have spoken up back then, maybe this wouldn't have happened with Spock now!"

"Amanda, this line of conversation is not proper-"

"I don't give a shit about being PROPER right now!" she found herself shouting at him. Once again, he was trying to control the conversation! Her voice dropped to an almost whisper as she found herself crying piteously while she confessed, "I've given up everything for you. I left my planet and became a citizen of your planet. I left my profession to be the ambassador's wife. Sure, we come to Earth, but we spend most of our time where? On assignment or on Vulcan. I've endured the ridicule of the press after we got married, galaxy-wide. My name and everything about me was dragged through the mud. I was the butt of every sort of mean, vulgar joke for almost a year and then when I had Spock I was the butt of even more jokes."

He knew all of this already to be fact. As always, when he thought of those facts he felt terribly helpless. "There was nothing I could have done to prevent those things, Amanda."

"But you never said anything to _me_! You never indicated that you understood that it hurt me! It was just business as usual and listening to rumors or gossip or putting any importance in it was illogical. So I took that and tried to justify that that was why I should just ignore it. Then I went to your planet and some of your people were rude and inhospitable to me and you just let them say whatever they wanted… and to _him_! I was an adult, but he was just a child and you never protected our son!" her voice rose again. "People said things and your answer was always 'Giving a response will only serve to add to illogical speculation'," she said in her best mocking imitation of Sarek's voice.

She shook her head as she forced herself to calm down. "How long before you realize your true mistake? That I will not change? That I am as human as I was when you married me? That I can't handle doing this over and over?" She stood, walked over to where he sat. His face showed nothing and she could tell nothing because from both their ends the bond was shut tight. "I carried him," she sobbed as she grabbed her womb. "Here. Right here!" She grabbed his hand, put it to her abdomen. "He slept here for months and moved around and- and hiccupped and stretched and did flips and played whatever games they play in there all of those months and I fed him directly from _my body_… Am I supposed to _forget_ that? Pretend it never happened?"

Tears rolled down her face as she lifted her shirt. "These lines and stretch marks," she whispered as she trailed a couple with her fingers. "That was one big baby," she laughed sadly as she sat down directly next to him, exhausted. She wiped her tears away with the backs of her hands. She felt broken down as she told him, "You always made me feel like he belonged to _your_ people more than mine. And you just kept snatching him from me! Every time he showed anything you snatched him from me and—and- and he said anything that sounded remotely human and you just never understood how that could _happen_! Well I'm his mother, that's how that can happen! ME! I am his mother and I am HUMAN!" she ended on a half yell.

Touched on a level he did not know he still possessed, "Amanda, I did not realize how deeply these thoughts ran," he admitted.

She shook her head. "No, you wouldn't. And I guess I should have expected that." She was suddenly worse than sad as she said in her normal voice, "It's my fault, really, when it comes down to it. I should have said something years ago. I should have stopped assuming that just because you were older than me and so damned smart you knew what you were doing."

He opened the bond from his end, then. There was something dangerous going on inside his wife. "Amanda, we have both made mistakes. The goal should be to rectify those mistakes with knowledge and patience."

She rolled her eyes. There was the ambassador-speak again! "I realize it now. We- We're too different. You can just cut him off because he didn't follow in your footsteps and you expect me to do the same?" She stood wearily and walked to the door. "You can do whatever you want to do. I've never fought you on that. But to ever dare to _tell_ me or even _ask_ me to cut off _my son_?" She shook her head at him with a look in her eyes that said, 'you should know better'.

He stood. Why was she so close to the door? "Where are you going?"

"You find people so expendable. Why don't you just get rid of me, too? I'm emotional, I'm illogical and I question you at every turn. Maybe it's time for you to let me go, as well," she said with all sincerity as she looked into his eyes.

And he saw it in her eyes and through their bond, she truly meant it. She meant to leave him for good. "Why did you return here?" he asked almost silently as his insides grew still. But he was calculating odds in his mind. There was a slim possibility he could reach her before she walked through that door. But he knew he had to be careful about how he did it. He slowly walked over to where she stood.

"Because there were things I needed to let you know. So now that I've told you all I needed to say, I can finally just go. I thought I needed answers from you, too, but I realize now it's not important."

He found himself reaching out cautiously for her hand resting near the door release, the hand that was about to let her out of the room and out of their mutual life. "But you cannot," he almost whispered as his hand covered hers.

She tried not to feel the warmth of his hand on hers, tried to be indifferent to it. But she still loved him. She knew she always would. As long as she lived there would never be another like him. "Why not? I think I've given you plenty of reasons to let me go. Spock is my son. When he calls, I will be there for him."

"And you will leave me?" he said as he took her hand off of the door release and pulled it into his chest, moved further into her space.

She hadn't seen this side of him for years. He was crowding close to her, his face in hers, his arms now slowly snaking about her waist.

Having clamped down on his control impeccably in the past few years, he rarely, if ever, lost control. Even sexually. But now there was a sort of desperation in his eyes paired with immovability. "Show me all that I need to know," were his last rapid words as one hand quickly went to her face, fingers splayed at the correct points.

Sarek's fingers connected and before she could guard herself, he was inside her mind, searching:

_Anger. So much anger there toward him!_

_ He moved past the anger and searched for what he wished to know. Sarek saw the past couple of weeks, saw that his wife had been sickened physically by everything that had happened between himself and his son. Saw her conflict, her unwillingness to go through this again…_

_ A memory intruded of her looking into a mirror at her own face, angry, disgusted with herself. "I have no children left," she whispered as she looked at her reflection and a lone tear traveled down her face. "Empty nest, my ass!" she said as she broke the mirror with her fist._

_ Churning anger, resentment building for every time she attempted to teach Spock anything about being human, human values, human thoughts and motivations, he was always there to remind her, the child was a Vulcan, did not need to know of or understand that part of himself. From her point of view, it appeared to be more than simply unimportant to him. It was worse than that. She thought he found it to be a nonissue._

_The sting of anger lingered from several pivotal moments from her son's life: How Sarek ignored her point of view about choosing the child T'Pring to bond with him. She said before and continued to maintain, the girl was duplicitous. The way Sarek insisted that the engagement ring she held dear would not need to be passed on to Spock since Vulcans did not have this custom of the exchange of jewelry. Having the audacity to tell her that the child she carried within for so many months would never contact them again until he returned to the way of life that he was admittedly still following as far as they knew…_

_ She was tired of the anger, of him making her feel as if she were inferior, of him making the excuse that marrying her 'seemed the logical thing to do' since he was ambassador to Earth. She almost left him for good this day. She was still ready to leave him…_

His trembling hand dropped from her face as he was in a near state of shock at everything he had seen and felt from her point of view.

She stood there, holding onto her emotions, not knowing how he was going to take everything.

"You have hidden these things from me for so many years," he said on an almost low whisper as his eyes bored into hers.

"I have," she admitted.

He swallowed as the shockwave of her anger went through his mind. She had become adept at hiding things from him, even within the bond. But now she had let him see them. And information was still coming at him from what he had just glimpsed. He looked at her almost accusingly. "You informed me, my wife, that the mirror in the bathroom had been broken accidently."

"It was," she shrugged nonchalantly, almost pleased in a rebellious way that she had surprised him. "I didn't _mean_ to break it with my hand," she admitted

He looked down at her hand, carefully took it into his own. "And your hand? It is well?"

"I went to the Healer and told him I'd had an accident. Sokam healed it without any questions. That's what he does."

He continued to think. "You did not tell me that you had been physically ill, my wife," he said as he realized how distressed she had been over the past couple of months. He realized from the meld, "You even went so far as to go to a physician outside the embassy to hide this. Why did you do so?"

She swallowed back tears as she shrugged. "I knew the reasons for my stress and I didn't want to talk to a Vulcan about it."

"But you did not speak to the human physician about it, either," he realized. "Who do you speak to, Amanda? When you are troubled, who listens to you?"

"No one," she admitted with a shrug as she pulled her hand out of his. "I speak to no one."

"And why is that?" he asked as he looked down into her face, into her eyes. "Why do you say nothing?"

"Because it isn't anyone else's business."

But he saw the truth behind the words and what she meant. He was an important man and he could not afford to have any kind of rumor or innuendo circulated about him. She had decided a long time ago that that would never happen because of her. No matter how angry he made her, no matter how much she might need to speak to someone about whatever problems they had the issues would always remain exactly where they were. Between the two of them. She loved him and her emotions for him were beginning to tear her apart from the inside. She couldn't take it any longer.

"Amanda," he said on an exhale of realization. His hands went out and grabbed her shoulders. He pulled her to his chest. "You do not understand, do you? You cannot leave me," he said as he looked down into her face.

"Because you say so?" she asked, angry again.

"You cannot!" he almost shouted as he pulled her in even closer. He left no room for her to move away from him. "Marrying you _was_ the logical thing to do at the time because I was faced with having to leave you for extended periods of time and I could not! I am still unable to give you up and I shall not do so! It is imperative that you do not leave!"

When was the last time he had touched her like this? She found herself putting her face to his chest and inhaling him as her tears began to run again and soak his robes. "Why are you showing me this now? Why _now_?"

"It is necessary!" he said as he looked down into her tear-stained eyes. "You are vital to my thoughts, to my life, to _me_!" His words were almost rough in texture to her ears. "You do not understand, Amanda!"

"It's been how long since you really shown me anything? You can't do this, not now! This isn't fair! You don't get to turn on the charm just because-"

"It is logical that we attempt to find a way to make things better between us before we terminate our union," he said, grasping at the frayed edges of his emotions and their marriage.

"But I'm not feeling very logical right now! It would be better for me to let you become what it is you need to be, what you've been trying to become. I make you emotional and I cause you too much trouble, but I'm human and that's natural and I'm not going to fight what I am any longer. Without me around you won't have any impediment to becoming the Vulcan you want to be. You won't have to fight logic anymore. You're trying to be two people, too, and it isn't healthy for either one of us to be in this constant state or push and pull! Please, for your sake and mine, let me go!"

"NO!" he shouted.

* * *

_A/N - I'm exhausted. This stuff is ringing me out. But there's more ahead, I promise... As usual, tap dancing for those reviews. Soft shoe, anyone?_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N - Longer chapter here. It starts heavy but ends on a light note. Two more chapters to go after this!_

Four

"No! Never!" he said as he refused to let her go physically. His body melded to hers as his voice lowered. "Never would I allow this side of myself to be seen by another and this you know to be true!"

"I know that," she confirmed. She hadn't seen this volatile side of him for years.

"Then you should understand that that is an indication of the regard in which I hold you," he almost plead.

"Let me _go_!" she insisted.

Her tone seemed to bring him back to emotional equilibrium and he immediately eased up on her physically. But he continued to hold her with his hands. "Yes, I shall. But I ask, at this time, that you agree to three things before I do so."

"And then?"

"And then I shall release you physically as you have requested."

She sighed. "I'll hear the conditions_ first_ before I agree."

"First, when I release you, you will not leave this room. You will listen to all I must say to you."

She thought about it. She had had plenty to say and she had to admit to herself, he had shown respect and listened. She could do the same for him. "I agree," she shook her head.

"Secondly, you will not leave this evening, if you decide you must go. It is late. You should also sleep well before making such an important decision."

She saw where he was going with this and felt like laughing at his stalling tactics. "All right. I won't leave tonight. I'll get a good night's sleep first."

He swallowed. "Lastly, you will give me one month to make amends for all of the ways I have fallen short. You must at least give me that concession."

She found herself rolling her eyes. Who did he think he was kidding? "So first you got me to agree to not leaving the room. Then you got me to agree to not leave you until I at least get some sleep. And now you want me to agree to give you a whole month to make things up to me?"

"One month, Amanda. The life of our marriage, is it not worth one month of your time?"

She was looking up into his pleading eyes. She hadn't seen such passion in them in a very long time. He had become, she felt, quite complacent over the years. Truthfully, they both had. But this might be the thing that would jar them out of that complacency. "I'll give it a month," she finally agreed.

He reluctantly let her go. But he knew Amanda was a woman of her word and she would not do something as undignified as running for the door after saying she would not. His reluctance lay in the fact that he had allowed their physical relationship to lapse quite some time ago and to touch her the way he had just now awakened his carnal side. "Please, sit with me, my wife. I will speak truthfully with you now. I shall address several of the things you have mentioned."

She sat down on their bed as he sat on the other side. Funny, all they'd done in that bed lately was sleep. She had briefly contemplated having an affair two years before. But she knew she wouldn't be able to hide _that_ in the bond. Plus she never could stomach the thought of carrying on behind anyone's back. Hindsight was always 20/20. She should have realized her marriage was in very serious trouble back then to even think such a thing.

"My wife, you must always remember, I hold you in the highest regard," he began as he looked over at her all the way on the other side of their king-sized bed. "I know of no other female worthy of the esteem you hold in my thoughts."

She knew that that was true. Anytime she glimpsed herself through Sarek's eyes in the bond, she was seen with the utmost of respect.

"I was unaware of your anger toward me," he admitted. He gave off an almost sigh. "I am a Vulcan. This is no crime, Amanda, as you say, to be what I am. And as a result I assumed when you agreed our son would be raised as a Vulcan that you understood that meant no other influences in his thoughts or education." He conceded, "I knew it to be one thing, but you assumed it to be another. I understand now that we did not at all think of it in the same way."

She folded her arms and looked away from him. "I thought it meant he would learn your language, your customs,_ be_ a Vulcan. But I always imagined that- that on the inside he would know and understand me and my people. But he doesn't. And now he's out there with them and he won't understand anything they're doing or saying. He'll be like a fish out of water, when he should have had the advantage of the best of both worlds."

"Amanda, it is too late for me to rectify that for you. But I can give you this. I will not ask you not to communicate with our son again. You may or you may not. I will not ask. It was improper of me to ask you not to do so. I understand that now. You were most correct. You possess an intelligent mind with which to think and reason and though I respect you, I lost sight of my respect of _that_. May I be forgiven for at least this? For now?"

She felt her eyes beginning to water again and wiped at them quickly as she looked over at him and the deep sincerity in his eyes. "Yes. I forgive you for that."

He swallowed. "Allow me, please, my wife, to also acknowledge several things at this time."

She nodded her head at him in a 'go ahead' gesture. Her anger with him, at least, was beginning to dim.

"I have not been an attentive husband."

She wondered where he was going to go with this next. But she knew they had fallen into a rut of comfort. "We could both have done better," she acknowledged. "I know I, for my part, can do better."

"That may be," he said. "But I can only speak for myself. I have neglected you, my wife. I am saying this now not only because I do not wish to lose you, but because I realize it is true. And as such I have decided at this time that it would not be wise for us to return to Vulcan so soon. If you wish we will remain here, on Earth, for the time being. There is no business that calls me back home at this time."

She couldn't believe it. He was breaking their schedule! The man was obsessive about their schedule. To anyone else, this was no big deal. But for him, she knew it was a major thing. "Here? We can stay here for a little while longer?" she asked.

"Yes, my wife, I will do that for you." He looked at her in her Earth clothing. She was wearing a form-fitting pair of black pants with heeled boots and a body hugging hand-knit sweater. He liked the look of it on her. But he knew that to attempt touching her intimately at this time would be a mistake. "I sense your fatigue. We may continue this tomorrow evening. Have you had the opportunity to partake of nourishment?"

She shook her head as she realized she actually was hungry. "No, I haven't."

"It is time to regain your health. I will obtain something appropriate for you from the kitchen. I ask that you relax at this time while I go and do so."

A cautious warmth melted Amanda from the inside as gooseflesh danced up her body. "All right."

After a relaxing bath and some dinner, Sarek made certain Amanda went to bed immediately. He could feel her exhaustion.

As she fell asleep, a sense of relief welled up inside her. Her relationship with Spock was no longer on the chopping block. But as for Sarek, she couldn't believe she had let him see so much inside her and how angry she had become toward him over the years for everything that had happened. But he wanted to make it up to her.

The fact that he cared, though, spoke volumes to her. She was always afraid that if she showed Sarek her anger, he would be indifferent to it. When they were first together, he never handled her anger well, so she had learned to hide it.

Once she told herself that there was no way she was going to hide her anger any longer, she realized she was ready to allow things to take their course, come what may. She also realized why she had begun hiding things in the first place. She loved him so much, she was afraid of doing the wrong thing and losing him. The irony of it all was she could honestly say she loved Sarek now more than she did when they first joined. She loved him so much she could no longer lie to him about her feelings. It was a lie of omission. He had deserved the truth all along and she had not given it to him.

Though he had been shocked at the depth of her anger, Sarek had done the unexpected. He had taken the emotions, absorbed them, thought about them honestly, responded to them without telling her she was illogical the way he would have years ago. She knew she had been angry with him for so long, but she had to acknowledge, her Sarek had grown substantially over the years on the inside. And they had grown apart so badly, she hadn't even realized it. It was time to fix that now.

##

"What are you doing?" she asked him the next morning as she sat up in bed, tired. He had risen before her, obviously, because as she sat up in bed he was standing there with a tray of food.

"I have seen to your nourishment, my wife," he answered.

She couldn't remember when the last time was that he had brought her breakfast. She looked at him, confused, as he placed the tray before her.

Seeing the almost shock and certain confusion on his wife's face, Sarek felt the edges of guilt as he placed the tray in front of her. He had gone into a long cycle of meditation the night before once she had fallen asleep and he realized several things. One of the things he realized was that his Amanda always made certain that if he went into meditation during the daytime, when he emerged she had a tray of food waiting for him. Sometimes he ate it. Sometimes he did not. And as of late, he had ceased to thank her for it. She was attending him, as was proper. But she never ceased bringing it to him though he had proven unthankful. He had stopped appreciating those little gestures over the years.

He had dug himself into becoming a better ambassador, understanding others and keeping his emotions under the strictest of controls…he had even begun to dabble in the beginnings of the mental controls for the _kolinahr_ simply so he would have greater control of his own emotions during negotiations. He did not at all intend to pursue the full discipline of purging his emotions, but it had an unintended side-effect. It had damaged his relationship with his wife by causing a great distance between them. He took for granted that she would remain with him. But he saw now that there was but so far his keeping her at a distance could go.

It was common knowledge, Vulcan marriage bonds were often dissolved because one of the partners began to pursue _kolinahr_. He could not understand the reasoning for such a thing in the past. But he understood it now.

"Thank you," she said almost sheepishly as she accepted the tray of food from him. "What are you going to be doing today?"

"Since I remain here on Earth, several meetings have been scheduled with the Deltan delegation while they are still here. They shall return to their system soon and there are still points that need to be reviewed so that I may represent them properly to the Federation. The meeting was initially supposed to take place on Vulcan, but since we are both here, it is more efficient to take care of these matters now."

"All right. I'm going to the beach today with Dana."

His eyebrow rose. "Dana Philo?"

She held in her giggle. "Yes, Dana Philo."

He sat there and at first said nothing. "Your friend from your college days who has a penchant for not wearing enough clothing?" he said carefully.

Amanda nodded her head and giggled. "That's her. In her forties and still fabulous."

One eyebrow lifted. "I see."

##

"Hey, girl!" Dana greeted her.

They had both met at the mutual location of Miami South Beach. Both ladies were still quite slim and in very good shape, but Dana was quite statuesque standing a full six inches taller than Amanda. As usual, Dana's swimsuit was from the Barely There collection. "Can you get any nakeder?" asked Amanda as she laughed and gave her a welcoming hug.

"Yes!" answered her friend as she pulled out a reclining beach chair, opened it up and plunked down onto it. "Well, Mandy, what's under the cover-up?"

Amanda smirked and untied her sarong to reveal a blue swimsuit that matched her eyes. And it was not a one-piece.

"Go Amanda!" Dana cheered.

She sat down in her own reclining beach chair and pulled out a skin-protect/tan accelerator mist and began spraying herself down. "Can you get my back, Dana?"

"Sure," she said as she grabbed the can from her and began misting her down. "What is up with that guy over there?"

Amanda looked. Yeah, there was some guy checking them out. "He probably likes to watch ladies mist one another down," she giggled. "Give him a good show. Rub some in!" She suddenly felt twenty again as they both laughed.

A waiter came and took their order and for the first time in years Amanda ordered one of those silly tall drinks with fruit wedged onto the side of the glass and a tiny umbrella sticking out of the top.

"So are you going to tell me what you're doing here?" asked Dana as she sipped on her blue drink. "You could have knocked me over with a feather last night when you called me up asking if I wanted to go to the beach. We haven't done the beach in almost five years! What's gotten into you?"

"Empty nest syndrome," she admitted.

"Oh! Spock's gone into Starfleet, right? I remember when you sent me your message!"

"Yeah. It doesn't feel the way I thought it would. I mean I was really sad at first," she said, thinking of all the drama that had been going on at home. "But then I said to myself, well, I can kind of pursue my own stuff now. I don't have to oversee his education anymore and… I don't know. I haven't been a teacher for years now. I mean I've been a tutor but never more than one or two people a year, you know?"

"Maybe you should pick up more tutoring. Interest in the Vulcan language is exploding like crazy. And you could really give a serious crash-course to humans going to Vulcan on how to behave and the cultural ins and outs and…I mean, I don't know. Am I talking too much?"

Amanda laughed. "No! You're not talking too much. I think you just gave me the best idea I've had all year."

"And by the way, don't think I haven't noticed, you're not even supposed to still be on Earth right now. I know how Sarek is with the schedule! What's going on?"

Amanda looked skyward. "You know me too well. We're here for now. He has some work to finish up with the Deltans and… and I just needed to stay here a little longer."

"Near your little boy?" teased Dana.

Amanda giggled. "I feel so pathetic!"

"Don't! It's hard. I mean not that I'd know, I never had any kids, at least not yet, but it's got to be hard to let go like that. I know my mom went nuts and gained 50 pounds and then lost that and an additional 30 pounds and went crazy going clubbing when I left home all those years ago."

Amanda shuddered. She really didn't want to wind up like Mrs. Philo. That hadn't been a pretty picture back then and it still wasn't one now. She looked down at her bikini. "Should I not be wearing this?" she wondered.

"Don't you dare say that!" Dana laughed. "You look great! Come on, let's go swimming!"

"Ah yes, swimming after indulgence in alcohol! I can hear Sarek now!"

##

He was in the middle of his meeting when his aide sent him a message. Breaking news in the gossip columns. He had a very uncomfortable feeling as to what the breaking news might be. But his eyes widened a fraction as a picture of his wife clad in two pieces of fabric that were the precise color of her eyes flashed up on his screen. He had no idea she even owned such a garment, let alone that she would actually wear it. "She is the mother of my child," he said under his breath. That she would wear such a thing in public! Her beautiful lean form looked too desirable in his opinion to be displayed as such in public.

He realized then that everyone had paused. They were all looking at him, askance. "My apologies. I have received a communiqué that I must attend to. We shall take a short recess," he said as calmly as possible as he stood.

##

"So I said to myself, 'Dana, just get Maya out of that house so she can see the light of day for once'."

"Did she go?" asked Amanda.

"As a matter of fact, she did. I just wish she wouldn't work so much."

"Is she still an introvert?"

"Pretty much. All she does is work and go home. She decided to start working out last year so she went and bought a home gym. She needs a man in her life or something."

Amanda laughed. "And I'm sure you told her that."

"Yes, I did. I set her up on two blind dates. Nothing. She hated them both."

Amanda broached the topic neither one ever brought up. "The last time I saw her last year, she looked the same. How is that possible?"

"Some people just age really well. But it_ is_ uncanny. She looks the same as she did when we were in college."

Amanda was distracted by the chirping of her PADD.

"Did you actually bring that thing to the beach?" Dana complained.

"Yes, I did!" she said as she dug into her bag and pulled it out. It was Sarek. "One second," she said to Dana as she engaged the call. "Amanda here," she said comically as she held her second drink up to the screen.

"And Dana!" shouted the other woman as she looked over Amanda's shoulder.

"My wife, I have received a picture of you. Be prepared. Your poor choice in clothing is now fodder for the tabloids."

To both Sarek and Dana's shock, Amanda began to laugh hysterically. "Did they get a good shot of my butt?" she gasped out between gusts of laughter. Her face had turned red and she found she couldn't stop laughing.

Dana reached over and pulled the drink out of her hand. "I think you've had enough of that," she muttered.

"Thank you, Ms. Philo," Sarek addressed her friend. "Amanda, I think it prudent that you return home at once," he said.

To which Amanda laughed even harder and then cut the connection. "Let's get back in the water!"

Dana's mouth dropped open. "Amanda! You just hung up on your husband!"

"Oh, I did, didn't I?" she said and then began to giggle again. "I'm not used to alcohol anymore!" she quipped.

"Oh my God, you're totally drunk!"

"I am not drunk, I am just tipsy!" she stood and wobbled slightly. "Let's go swimming again!"

"No, let's sober up first," said Dana. "Man, you're such a lightweight. Two drinks, Mandy?" she complained as she sat Amanda back down in her chair.

"Well it has been years," she admitted.

"You haven't had alcohol in years and you just downed a pina colada _and_ a margarita before noon? Did you even eat breakfast?"

Amanda lay down on the reclining chair and relaxed on a sigh. Yes, she had had breakfast, all right. And it had contained all of the proper food groups for her physiology. Sarek had seen to that. "Dana, why did you divorce your husband?" she asked out of nowhere.

"Which one?"

"Both of them."

"Well, Fred was a jerk. I mean, we got married too young and well…he was a jerk. And with Eddie, it was all about sex. I mean we had great sex and that was all we had. That wears off after a while. I woke up one day and I realized, not only did I not like him, I didn't even want him to touch me anymore. That's it in a nutshell. I mean a whole lot more than that happened. I'm sure you understand. You've been married like, what, almost twenty years?"

"Yep. Almost twenty years."

"So you know, stuff just happens that's hard to quantify down to 'this was the absolute moment I decided to leave so-and-so'. I think had I have been convinced, absolutely _convinced_ that Fred loved me, we could have made it, despite him being a jerk. He was really young after all. I think maybe he could have changed. And Eddie, well… no, it was just sex. That wasn't going to last no matter what," she laughed.

Amanda sat there, tears beginning to collect in her eyes. "I wish I could fast-forward into the future," she admitted, "and I wish I could see the outcome of whatever I decide."

Dana's eyes turned soft. "Amanda, did you come to the beach today to get some R & R from your life?"

"Well, yes! What other reason do people go to the beach!" she laughed dismissively.

"You know what I mean! We've been friends for years. You can tell me the truth. You know I'm not going to go blabbing it anywhere. Did you come here to get away from your husband?"

Amanda nodded quickly and then shrugged. "I love him so much, Dana. I really do. Sometimes I just wonder."

She leaned in close to her and whispered, "So does he. He may be a Vulcan, but I know he loves you like crazy, Amanda. Otherwise, why would he call you to warn you the tabloids are getting pictures of you here at the beach?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I'm in the forest right now and I can't see it for the trees. Is it love or is it control? Obsession?"

"Did he block you from coming to the beach?" asked Dana. "Did you have to sneak out of the house to get here?"

"No."

"See, now that would have been controlling and obsessive. I know because that was Eddie. That's another reason I was done with his ass after just two years. But Sarek let you go on your merry way."

"So what is he doing here now?" she asked.

"What?" They both saw Ambassador Sarek trudging up the beach in his very proper robes. "He must be burning up in that!" remarked Dana.

"Vulcan gets hotter than this. He'll be fine," said Amanda.

"Well he showed up probably because of your drunken laughter. The man's your husband. I'd be worried if he didn't check up on his drunk wife sitting out here half naked with sharks around! And I'm not talking about the sharks in the water, either."

Amanda smacked Dana's arm. "Ow!" she exclaimed as the ambassador reached them.

"Dana," greeted Sarek.

"Ambassador," she said back. "I'm going for a swim. Behave, Mandy!" And she took off running for the water.

Sarek sat down on Dana's reclining chair, but of course remained in an upright position. "Amanda, am I to understand you have partaken of alcoholic beverages before noon?"

She sighed tiredly. That used to be her personal rule when she used to have an occasional drink, no alcohol before noon. "Yes, I did. I kind of needed them," she admitted.

His browline almost climbed into his bangs. "Amanda, no one is in 'need' of any form of alcoholic beverage at anytime. It is detrimental to drink in this environment, in the heat of the day without proper hydration and without a security escort."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Whatever. I know what _that_ means."

"And exactly what do my words mean?" he asked.

"It means you want me to go home, don't you?"

"Initially, I did. But I have come to see for myself how you are doing and I judge that you are well. If you do not partake of anymore alcohol, you shall be fine," he said as he stood.

"You're leaving?" she asked, shocked.

"Yes, of course. I do not wish to consume too much of your recreational time. I will see you at home, later. I shall have dinner waiting when you return," he said.

As he left, Dana came out of the water, dripping wet. "Wow, he let you stay!"

"Who was that man?" Amanda asked, almost shocked into being totally sober.

##

Sarek went back to the negotiations and tuned his mind exclusively to them. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done, leaving Amanda there on the beach, barely clad and slightly inebriated.

His wife had looked exceptionally well in her bathing suit, he had to admit to himself. He zoned out of the meeting at that point. His mind was on Amanda's finely formed hips as they sat on the beach chair. Had they not have been in public he would have gotten down on his knees and pulled her to him by those hips and explored her belly button with his tongue as he gave her-

"—so Ambassador Sarek, what is your opinion of that clause in the contract?"

He just stopped himself from startling. "I apologize. I wish to hear it again. I have not yet fully formed my thoughts concerning that particular clause," he stalled.

##

Amanda sat up on her beach chair, shocked. She had had no more alcohol. She was tanning at that moment, but when she sat upright quickly, Dana asked, "What is it?"

"My husband is having dirty thoughts about me right now."

Dana sat there, grinning, as her eyes closed against the glare of the sun. "Somebody's gettin' some tonight!" she taunted.

"Oh no, he's not!" Amanda protested as she lay back again.

"Don't be cheap, Mandy! The man saw you half naked today."

"Hmm, I'll think about it. Depends on what I'm getting for dinner."

Dana looked over at her then, surprised. "He's making you dinner?"

She sheepishly said, "Yes."

"You better give him _something_! He's in the embassy working hard today and then he's going to make you dinner? Even if he serves you cheese and crackers with a side of salad, he's earned it!"

"Would you cut that out!" she laughed.

"Make me proud. Rock his world!"

##

The sun was still in the sky when Amanda went to the massive transporter station across the street from South Beach. She produced her identiCard and was allowed to go into the transporter station immediately. Dana tagged along with her to the station and then went on home to her Miami highrise.

She materialized at the San Francisco station and was grateful she had tied her sarong over her two-piece. "Lady Amanda," greeted the Vulcan technician.

"Thank you, Serrin," she said as she left the transporter room and made her way to the lobby of the embassy.

She walked up the stairs and made it to her room and put herself into the shower. While she was inside, she could hear the door whoosh open. A cold bit of air intruded upon her warm water ablutions and she said, "Sarek, is that you?"

"Yes, of course," he answered. He peered into the shower and informed her, "I shall bring you your dinner, Amanda."

"Thank you, Sarek," she said with a very merry twinkle in her eyes. The beach had made her very happy and a bit exhausted. She realized, he was still standing there. Was he staring? "Sarek?"

"Yes, my wife?" he said as he came back to his senses and focused on his wife's eyes. He did not think it appropriate to touch her at that time. He could feel her exhaustion through the bond and it had been so long since he had initiated anything physical, he was uncertain as to how to go about doing so. Would she think him self-serving? Would she be displeased with his advances? When in doubt, he learned, it was best not to act.

"Is there something you wanted?" she asked with half a smile.

"Yes, I- No, I will go and bring you your evening meal, my wife." He gave her one last look and then forced himself away from her shower.

But Amanda was grinning. She had successfully made Sarek blush at the tips of his ears. It had been years since she'd accomplished that! Amanda decided to make Sarek nice and uncomfortable the way she used to, just for the fun of it.

##

After dinner, Amanda lay in bed, certainly exhausted, but for the first time in a long time she wanted to mess with Sarek's head. She briefly thought of biting him on the arm and then abruptly thought of perhaps flipping through a magazine. She picked up her PADD and did just that as she selected the latest magazine on creative art exhibitions.

He gave her a passing glance from his desk across the room and wondered if he had imagined that his wife had perhaps thought about—No, she had not. She was engrossed in her publication.

He continued to work and Amanda smirked as she looked up at him across the room. She then quickly thought of sliding her fingers up his chest and then immediately turned her mind back to her article. That time Sarek looked up and stared at the top of her head as she looked down at her PADD and continued to read.

He was becoming very uncomfortable. He was uncertain of what he was supposed to do. He had not yet had time to meditate that day. He was not as in control of his actions as he might have wished to have been. He made himself look back down at his work and attend to it. "Amanda, is your skin well?" he found himself asking. "I notice you have darkened in color considerably from your beach excursion."

"Oh, you mean my tan!" she said. "I had on plenty of block, trust me. I applied every hour on the hour. I'm surprised I tanned so well. Usually I just burn. But this time, it came out nice…all over. Do you want to see?"

He found himself clearing his throat. What was she attempting to do to him? "I am uncertain as to your meaning."

"Well, you'll see when I change into my pajamas. I might as well do that now, right?" she said as she stood and went to the closet to go into her pajama storage unit. She passed over the flannels that night and instead picked a long satin gown. "That looks comfortable."

"Perhaps," he said, seizing on the only thing he could think of, "it would be advantageous for me to apply aloe gel to your skin so that you do not peel overly much."

She hadn't expected to hear that and found herself ready to laugh out loud, but she just barely kept it in. "Oh, I don't think that'll be necessary, Sarek. I can do that myself. I wouldn't want to distract you from your work. You go on working. I'll put the gel on myself."

He sat there, growing more uncomfortable by the minute as he watched his wife apply thin layers of aloe gel all over her body. It was mixed with a cucumber scent and she sighed in relief as she did so. "That was a good idea, Sarek, I almost totally forgot about putting it on after being in the sun so long today."

He was dry mouthed by then and could only nod. He held onto his self control as he stood. "Amanda, perhaps it would be prudent for us to speak in the morning so that you may obtain the rest I sense you need."

"You don't have any duties in the morning?"

"No," he said as he tried to make it out of the room. "I must meditate," he said as he fought the urge to rip the nice satin garment off of his wife.

"Good night, Sarek!" she said with a huge cheeky grin as she pulled the covers up over herself.

* * *

_A/N - For the fans of my MirrorUniverse stories, I'm sure you will recognize the character Dana. Yes, she is pretty much the same in any universe, haha!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N - This is kind of a filler chapter that sets things up for the next one._

Five

The next morning, Amanda awoke to a bright sunny day. She initially didn't remember a thing from the day before, but then it all began to trickle back to her little by little. A grin began to grow on her face before she could catch it. She thought of how she had been mischief itself. As her hand went up to cover her cheshire cat expression, she wondered what it was that had gotten into her. She made poor Sarek run for meditation at the end of the day! She sat up and crossed her arms in satisfaction as she felt a guilty sense of power. It had been years since she had been able to do that to him.

Sarek was not in bed with her. She wondered if unexpected business had come to the embassy. That was often how things were. Amanda never minded his ambassadorial duties. That was how she had met him. To expect that to change would be quite illogical.

She laughed at herself then. _Using Vulcan-speak in your head, Amanda?_

She went to take a shower and every time the water touched the area of the backs of her shoulders she would flinch from the feeling. It was as if thousands of stinging needles were hitting her upper back and shoulder region. "Oh boy…"

##

"You are experiencing erythema solare," said the Healer physician.

"So in other words, I'm sunburned?" asked Amanda.

"You have been sunburned on the affected regions of skin," Sokam confirmed, "that is correct." His perceptive copper eyes looked into Amanda's. "Shall I inform he who is your husband at this time?"

She sighed. "No, that's all right. It's no big deal."

"Will you accept treatment?"

"Will it take long?"

"A mere twenty minutes of your time," he assured.

"Then you can do it," she said.

After the first ten minutes, Sokam had already healed the sunburn on the back right of Amanda's shoulder. He was about to transition to the left when the intercom in the medical station of the embassy went off. "Is my wife present in the medical bay?" came Sarek's voice through the speaker.

"I'm here, Sarek," she said.

He paused. "You obtained sunburn yesterday, did you not?"

She rolled her eyes as she said, deadpan, "Yes, Sarek, I got a sunburn."

"You should have allowed me to apply the aloe gel. I would have made certain to cover_ every_ surface of your body."

Amanda nearly tensed up. Uh-oh. Was he actually flirting with her through an intercom speaker? He must have been desperate the night before, because even after meditation he was apparently still in need. She looked up at Sokam, but he seemed to be none the wiser, so she relaxed again. "You're right, Sarek. There's no way I could have reached the backs of my shoulders properly."

"I shall be there in four minutes time to retrieve you."

"But I've got about ten more minutes to go to get it treated."

"Then I shall wait with you," he said without pause.

##

Amanda looked up at Sokam. She often wondered about the healer and who he truly was on the inside. The only things she knew about him was that he was related to Sarek through some complicated family lineage she still didn't understand and his wife had died not five years before. She had been a prominent Vulcan Scientist working on some project, probably top secret, along with many other Federation scientists. For all the times the woman had come to Earth, she very rarely graced the embassy with her presence. The few times she did, Amanda remembered feeling a strong dislike for her. She had, of course, hid her feeling and been hospitable toward the other woman as was proper. But it was the same feeling Amanda had every time she thought of Spock's betrothed, T'Pring; like there was some duplicity of character that was very well hidden.

The Healer seemed to realize she was looking at him. "_T'Sai_?" he lapsed into Vulcan that quickly.

"No, nothing. I was just wondering, that's all. You don't get out much, do you?"

He raised an eyebrow. "'Get out'?"

"Oh, I mean, I hardly ever see you leave the embassy, that's all. So do you ever get away from the embassy in your spare time?"

He loaded the correct amount of medication into the application instrument and then circled the biobed to apply it to the still untreated side of Amanda's shoulder. "To be honest, I see no reason to depart the premises more than several times a year, lady."

"I just wondered what that was about. See, I have a friend. I don't get to see her that often, because she works a lot. All she does is go to work and go home. She's been like that for years, but as she gets older it seems to just get worse. I wondered why that might be."

Sokam continued applying the medication to the back of her shoulder. "Is she human?"

"Yes, she is, as a matter of fact."

"Then I cannot attest to her reasons. A Vulcan strives to be the best in all that they do. But humans seem to need excessive amounts of recreation in order to concentrate on their professional endeavors. Have you asked your friend her reason for her lack of a social life?"

"She says the same thing every time. She isn't interested in doing anything else. But see, she used to do so much years ago! And now, she just works and that's it. I happen to think something is going on, but she won't tell us what it is. I think she's in some kind of trouble."

"Until your friend sees the need to confide in you, I fear you shall remain clueless as to her reasons for not behaving in the usual fashion for a human female."

"I guess you're right," said Amanda. She wondered why she had never tried to engage Sokam in conversation until this moment. He was a much better conversationalist than she would ever have supposed. "Maybe I'll bring her here and-"

Sarek arrived then. "My wife. You are well?"

Her mind distracted, she dropped her line of thought. "Yes, I'm fine, Sarek. Sokam's almost done."

"A few more minutes and your wife will be able to depart medical bay," Sokam said as he concentrated on his task.

##

As they left the medical bay, "Will you take tea with me in the garden, my wife?" asked Sarek.

She looked up at him and smiled, "Yes, I will."

It was a strange next couple of days. It seemed the two needed to get used to being with one another socially all over again. Sarek took the lead in doing cordial things like making Amanda's tea and bringing her meals. It was nice, but it wasn't all that they needed. By the end of the week, Amanda told Sarek, "We need to go on a vacation together or something."

His brow rose. "My wife?"

"You know, get away."

"Away from what?"

"The embassy."

He seemed to stand there in deep thought for a few seconds. He was in the embassy gardens with her, watching her water the plants she had grown herself since coming there. "Is the embassy a source of stress for you, Amanda?"

She thought about that before answering. "Not necessarily. But sometimes when you're in the same place too much, you fall into a rut and going somewhere else sometimes helps you break out of that and make new patterns. And you have to admit, we could certainly use some new patterns."

He did not see the logic in this proposal of a vacation. He was inclined to say 'no'. But he watched as she walked slowly to him, an uncertain look in her eyes, as she extended her arm in his direction. Sarek's eyes looked down at her two fingers being offered to caress his. He swallowed back a feeling of euphoria as his fingers, seemingly of their own accord, surged forward and quickly connected with hers. But the spark there was nearly dim when they touched. They had most certainly fallen out of what they had had in the past. They had become comfortable with one another again, not in the cold way that had developed, but as two friends that respected one another deeply.

He knew then what Amanda was really trying to convey. Respect was not enough to maintain their marriage. She desired more. And he knew that now he also desired more. "Yes, my wife. We will go." And there, through their joined fingers, he felt the spark beginning to alight to something brighter.

##

"Amanda, this was not what I thought you meant," he said as he looked out of the window as his brows furrowed.

She smiled wickedly. They had just transported down to a five-star ski resort. It was one of the special ones made specifically for galactic VIPs. His security men were outside the door and their luggage had been beamed directly into the resort bedroom set aside for them.

She looked past him and out of the window. It was very snowy outside! She knew she was pushing it with him but she also knew this trip was exactly what they needed. "Come on, Sarek, it's only for the next three days."

He shook his head. "I do not find the cold pleasing," he said almost forcefully. He only just stopped himself from folding his arms.

She walked away from him and to the fireplace. Using the poker on the side of the brick inlay, she began stoking the fire in the living room of their personal suite. "You sound just like an old man, you know that?"

He remembered his promise to make things up to her and relented. "If this is what you wish to do, Amanda, I can do no other than see to your happiness."

She remembered the first time he had said that to her years ago, how charmed she had been. It had been a long time since she heard those words. She found herself spontaneously jumping up and throwing her arms around him. "Thank you!"

His shock was palpable to them both. "Had I known, Amanda, that all you required for additional happiness was to abide in sub-freezing temperatures-"

But the rest of his sentence was drowned out by her truly joyful laughter. "Let's go ride a snowmobile!"

##

They had not only ridden the snowmobile, Sarek had to be rushed back inside after only a half an hour and given large quantities of hot tea. Amanda had felt so badly about it, she brought him someplace that she assured him he would love.

They traveled to the spa section of the resort and she was able to convince Sarek to remove his clothing and put on a towel. She pushed him into the general direction of the saunas and said, "Go into the men's section."

"Amanda, I am not enamored of this location as of yet, and I am now standing in a drafty hallway while scantily clad. I shall, however, give this new experience a true attempt. But please tell me ahead of time, do freezing temperatures play into this form of entertainment?"

"No!" she assured him as she clutched her own oversized towel around her. "Not at all. It's not for entertainment either, it's for relaxation and you can meditate in there. Look at it like that!"

He gave her a face that was pretty close to the expression 'sure it is' and walked away without another word. He didn't know what mischief his wife had planned for him next, but some part of him knew he might very well deserve it.

Sarek entered the steamy room and the feeling of heat hit his senses. The tips of his ears, fingers and toes, he knew, would finally have sensation returned after his earlier foray into the excessive cold. He walked into the steam and noticed there were two other males there and they were sitting as far away from one another as they possibly could while having a conversation.

He sat down on his own bench and found himself unable to help overhearing the conversation. "—so I bought her some flowers."

"What'd she do?" asked the other man.

"Oh, women love that stuff. She just threw herself at me after that."

"Are you serious?" asked the other man, openly skeptical. "She's not that type."

"How do you know?" he asked. "You haven't had any action in how long?"

"I'm not looking for just action, I'm looking for a real relationship."

"Well, while you're off looking for your real relationship, I'll be mopping up all the ladies."

"The women you attract aren't ladies."

He laughed. "That's okay. But at least my bed is never empty."

"I don't care what medical advances have been made, you can't cure everything with meds from a hypo."

"You sound like a Vulcan or something, man!" his friend ribbed him.

"If by that," intervened Sarek, "you mean he is logical and correct, then yes, your friend is quite wise."

The other two men did a double-take. Due to the darkened nature of the room, they hadn't realized the extra man in the room was a Vulcan. The self-proclaimed Cassanova stood and made ready to leave the sauna room. "Whatever man. I'm outta here." He looked patently uncomfortable as he left.

The other man that was left behind at first said nothing. Then he hesitantly said, "I'm sorry about my friend. Not all human men are that crude."

"I am quite aware of that," said Sarek.

The other male took a closer look at him from across the room. "Hey, wait a minute…are you- Are you Ambassador Sarek?" he said almost excitedly.

"In fact, I am."

"Oh, man, it's an honor to meet you! I'd shake your hand, but I know you guys don't do touching."

"I thank you for your courtesy. With whom am I speaking?"

"Manny. Well, they call me Manny, but my full name's Manuel Calavetti."

"What brings you to the resort?" asked Sarek. Usually he did not care for small talk, but he engaged in it occasionally to keep his skills sharp as an ambassador.

"I'm on vacation. I kind of overdid it with work and got burned out. So I quit my job. I had enough saved so I figured I'd come here."

"It is unwise to quit so quickly with no form of alternative employment secured," he said to the young man.

He smiled as he stood. "That's exactly what my mom said to me. But I'll figure it out. Thanks for the advice, ambassador. It's been an honor meeting you."

"And you, Mr. Calavetti," he said as he watched the low-key young man from a discreet family of royals exit the sauna room. He was uncertain as to the young man's exact title, but since he was there at the resort he knew it was definite that he was from the Calavetti's of Andromeda IV.

Sarek emerged from the sauna over an hour later, his body relaxed and his frozen extremities finally back to normal. Without thinking, he summoned Amanda to him via their bond. He realized within five seconds that it had been quite some time since he had bothered to do such a thing.

She came out of the women's section with her very long towel clutched around her. "You rang?" she smiled.

"I wished to inform you that I will shower and return to our rooms, Amanda."

"I was about to do that myself. An hour is usually more than enough for me in the sauna, but-"

He saw she didn't finish her thought. "But?" he prompted.

"I got to talking with some of the ladies in the sauna and lost track of time, that's all."

There was something there, he knew, she was not saying. So he decided to just leave it alone for the time being.

##

Once they returned to their suite, the next set of mischief put in motion by Amanda was about to be unveiled. It had been a full day and she felt the exhaustion of it, but there was no way she was going to delay this plan. Sarek turned and gave her a look of veiled surprise as their door chime sounded. "My wife?"

"I ordered a few things," she said with a casual shrug as she went to the fireplace and dialed it up to increase the temperature in the room.

"Enter," he spoke in the direction of the sealed door as his eyes remained on his wife. There _was_ something going on here.

A Deltan male waiter appeared with a cart carrying various food and drink items. He deposited two large mugs of something Sarek was not close enough to see exactly what it was, but the aroma told him it was some form of chocolate fortified with coconut milk. His heart rate escalated. His head whipped around and he looked at Amanda with a question in his eyes. What his wife was trying to do here?

Two more plates of something were removed from the cart and left on the table. The waiter nodded courteously to them both and departed with his serving cart.

As the door to their suite closed, Sarek got closer to the table and saw there were, indeed, two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table. And of the two plates left behind, on one plate sat seven dark chocolate covered strawberries and on another there happened to be some form of chocolate confection he suspected contained peanut butter within. They were specially made for vegans, dairy free. He had had these before. He knew the reason his wife had ordered these things but he couldn't figure out why.

He felt Amanda standing just behind him as her voice intruded on his thoughts. "Well, Sarek? Are you thirsty for something_ hot_ in this cold environment?"

He looked back at his wife, askance, a little shocked. "The few times in the past that I consumed any form of chocolate product, Amanda, I-" He shook his head, even as he looked back down at the items beckoning him to partake. He was actively fighting his inner inclination, because his hand was practically reaching out on its own to pick up and drink the steaming mug of chocolate. He was still holding onto his acute want to taste the items on the table, but just barely. "-I became uncontrollable in my lust. My actions were unseemly and I do not understand how-"

His mouth was open and she used that opportunity to pick up one of the small chocolate covered pieces of peanut butter and pop it into his mouth. "We can discuss that, all right?" she said casually as if they were speaking about a possible shopping trip.

As soon as the item hit his tongue, he found himself chewing almost against his will. His eyes closed and he was lost in the flavor and taste as the chocolate warmed in his mouth and began to spread over his taste buds. And the taste of the peanut butter along with it… He found himself halfway sighing at the goodness of it. She had somehow maneuvered him into sitting down in a plush chair not too far from the table.

He swallowed nervously as his attention was split between the still-standing woman at his side and the table covered with what he saw as contraband. He found himself trying to hang onto his senses. "I shall attempt to show restraint and-"

She reached over, picked up and bit off half of a chocolate covered strawberry and leaned over him, slowly put the rest into his mouth.

He chewed as his eyes held hers. Sarek saw daring there, in the depths of her gaze. He swallowed as he could feel his heart rate rising. "This is not advisable, my wife," he warned.

"I think it is," she said as she next handed him the steaming cup of hot chocolate. "It's a cold environment. I was only thinking of your health," she said a little too coyly with that old twinkle back in her eye, again.

His wife's mischievous side was in full force and he never knew exactly what to do when she was in this mood. She obviously wanted something from him.

He took the cup from her, almost without thinking, and found himself staring at her over the rim of it as he took one tentative sip. The hot chocolate, he groaned inwardly, was laced with cinnamon! He reached over put it down quickly, even as he was already starting to feel the beginning effects of the little bit of chocolate he had already consumed. "My wife, we are supposed to be trying to repair things between us." He had to at least try and salvage the true reason they were there!

"How do you think you do that?" she asked as she walked even further into his space and settled herself into his lap. "We've talked a couple of times over the past few days, spent a lot of time together."

"Yes, that is the logical way to begin to repair our relationship," he said as he registered the imprint of her body in contact with his. It was a delightful sensation, one he was having difficulty ignoring.

"It's not the only way to repair it," she said almost softly as she turned and lifted another tidbit of chocolate covered peanut butter. Turning back toward him, she leaned into him even more, her face almost in his, as she took one seductive bite from it and then placed the rest into his mouth.

As the chocolate hit his tongue, he found himself suckling the remainder of it from his wife's finger. "This is ill advised," he said as he found himself breathing heavily, more than aware of her warm curves pressed against him. "You obviously do not remember the effects of the last time we engaged in a chocolate binge."

"Oh, I remember," she said with a large grin. "I remember it well."

He wondered if they were sharing memories of the same event, but his mind was too distracted by his enjoyment of the latest piece of chocolate in his mouth and his wife's firm backside planted - "You were bruised in many places afterward," he reminded her.

There was a tiny silence at first, as Amanda leaned in close to him, one finger teasing the tip of his ear. "It was wonderful," she whispered.

He said not another word as his eyes held hers. Without looking away from her, he picked up the cinnamon laced hot chocolate, not wanting to stop, as he sipped and enjoyed it a little too much.

She stood up and began to walk away then. "I'll be back."

He didn't pause to wonder where she was going, for the chocolate fascination had him in its grip and he found himself drinking almost without pause. It was the best hot chocolate he had had in years… it was the _only_ hot chocolate he had had in years.

He had stopped partaking of chocolate because it brought out his uninhibited side a little too much. He had also written a very in-depth cautionary piece for all Vulcans who had to journey on Earth about the pitfalls of chocolate intake for Vulcans and the almost unavoidable indiscretions that had occurred while under its influence. He could recall on both hands a number of bondings that had taken place under the influence of chocolate. And several of those marriages had been with non-Vulcans and he had been called as the ambassador to handle some of the sticky galactic ramifications of them.

Now, here he sat, beginning to feel the effects of a mug full of hot chocolate, chocolate covered peanut butter and chocolate covered strawberries. He felt like one of Earth's North American prohibition-era politicians at a speakeasy. So long as the Deltan waiter did not return, however, he saw no opportunity for any extra parties to their most likely activities. He realized then he had made a joke in his mind. He almost giggled.

But still, he tried to fight the effects.

But he turned and saw the rest of the chocolate products. He looked down with almost regret as he saw that his cup was already drained. Picking up a fork, he speared another strawberry. He promised himself he would only partake of one more.

* * *

_A/N - Sorry to leave you here! There's more for these two to take care of and deal with. Those things will be addressed in the next (which also happens to be the last) chapter._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N - Special shoutout to LoveyHowl, my 50th reviewer!_

Six

Amanda stood in the bedroom of their hotel suite looking at her reflection in the deluxe sized mirror hanging on the wall. Her long body-hugging satiny gown was in a very deep shade of red. She had caught an echo off of Sarek's thoughts once years before through the bond pertaining to her wearing the color red and why he found it to be especially provocative to his senses. The color was an almost lustful reminder to him of marking her during lovemaking. So she wore red that night.

But as she looked in the mirror at herself, she stood there with a serious case of jitters. It _had_ been quite some time since they had been intimate. In some ways Sarek had become a stranger to her physically.

Amanda, at that point, became a little impatient with herself. She had actually gone to the trouble of intoxicating him to get him to the state he was most likely at by now and she was starting to have second thoughts? She tried to pull herself together as she quickly glimpsed what was going on with him through their bond. Maybe she had a little time to-

_Uh oh…_

"Amanda," he said almost softly from the other side of the door. "If you would perhaps allow me to enter our shared sleeping space? I find that the door is locked." He was still trying to speak as normally as possible.

She smiled as she picked up her brush and tried to get her hair to look the way she wanted it to before he entered their room. "I'm not ready for you to come in yet."

"I am more than able to help you in any endeavor," he said through the door. "You are aware of that, are you not? Simply open the door. I shall…_help_ you."

She felt gooseflesh rise all over her body and knew he most certainly could convince her given half a chance! It had just been so long since he had! She swallowed back nervousness as she said, "I'm brushing my hair, Sarek. You'll have to wait until I'm done."

"That is not at all logical, my wife, since I will most certainly cause your hair to be in a most unseemly disarray by the time we are finished this night…or perhaps by the morning hours. Yes, from what I remember, that is what you prefer most, do you not?"

She looked at the door then, shocked. She hadn't heard his 'drunken' trash talking in years. It was great! "You make promises," she goaded. "But can you deliver?"

"Open this barrier between us and you shall see," he promised.

"I don't believe you," she baited.

He paused before he spoke again. Finally he said, "If you do not open the barrier, Amanda, I shall be forced to break it down and prove my words to you."

She knew he meant it! Since she did not want to explain any damages to the hotel staff, she quickly went and pressed the release and watched him almost saunter into the room. How was it possible that someone that intoxicated could still have all of their physical faculties so well in hand? He didn't even have the decency to stagger! And to make matters worse, he betrayed an almost arrogant confidence in his bearing that he would have never shown under ordinary circumstances.

His eyes held hers as she backed away from him, small smiles on both their faces. "Where are you going, my wife?" he asked with a teasing tone.

"I don't know," she laughed as she attempted to dodge him. But even intoxicated he was more than a match for her physically. The world shifted as she was unceremoniously lifted and practically thrown onto the bed. He quickly lowered himself on top of her and stretched out languorously like some form of jungle cat that had secured a tantalizing treat. The planes of his body melded to her curves and they were both immediately feeling quite satisfied with their respective positions. It had been so long since she had been in this situation with him. The desire was truly there, in her body, in her mind, calling out to him.

He looked down into her eyes and soberness of thought overtook him. He stared down at her and into her eyes. The two were locked in a gaze that neither seemed to want to break. Finally, the silence and tension stretched too long and he admitted in the shakiest of voices, "It has been too long since we've beheld one another as such, my wife."

She swallowed back a lump of emotion. "I agree."

"Forgive," he begged as he looked down into her eyes, "forgive my oversight. Forgive my errors," he requested as his forehead rested softly atop hers. "Forgive."

Her hands reached up and wrapped fully around his frame and squeezed. To feel his solid mass like this again, so open, so full of welcome and want, she felt herself beginning to overflow with deep emotion. There was a lump in Amanda's throat and she couldn't even answer him at first. They held one another for a time, familiarized themselves with the feeling of each other once again. "Of course I forgive you, Sarek," she finally found her ability to speak again.

There was an unspoken misunderstanding here that he was beginning to realize. His Amanda was under the assumption that she was no longer wanted. Being the woman that she was, she refused to beg. But this assumption had done a large deal of damage between them.

"I neglected you," he admitted as he pulled back and looked into her eyes again. "I thought perhaps it would make me a better ambassador to distance myself from all such emotion. I assumed much. But I see now, I was in error."

"Then you have to forgive me, as well, my husband," she admitted.

"What do I have to forgive you for, Amanda?"

"In order for this state of nothingness to happen between us…it's like I've said before in all this, I had to have been complacent to allow it to happen. And I did let it happen."

"You were attempting to be a proper Vulcan's wife, to follow my form of logic. I cannot fault you for that."

"It was my pride that made me not ask about your motivations. I was afraid of the answer I might get if I did ask. But that's no excuse for my not asking. I should have asked. This state could have ended long ago if I had."

"You are more than forgiven for the illogical state of pride that led you to not ask, then, _ashayam_."

"Then can you forgive my next confession?" she asked nervously. She knew she was taking a mighty big chance, but she knew she had to tell this anyway since she would be unable to keep it from him completely during the afterglow of exhaustive lovemaking.

"And that is?" he asked, intrigued by this conversation. He noticed that she had tensed beneath him and wondered what it was she needed to tell him.

She swallowed and took a deep breath and just went ahead and said it on a quick exhale. "I thought about cheating on you when it got to be too much." And that quickly, things changed.

"Explain!" he snapped as his eyes changed from warmth to…she couldn't tell what that look was in his eyes.

She knew she was on dangerous ground. But it was time to tell the complete truth and let things out between the two of them. "I'm going to tell you everything right now. No more lies, no more shielding you from things. So bear with me. I contemplated having an affair. I was seriously thinking about taking my needs elsewhere since you weren't taking care of them."

"With whom?" he demanded as he looked down into her eyes.

"Well first," she said as she dug the hypothetical knife in deeper, "I realized that a human man wouldn't do. I mean, after you've had a Vulcan, you can't exactly go back. I knew I would need something a little more…vigorous," she admitted with a nervous forced laugh. There was a dangerous look forming in his eyes as she jumped headlong into her full confession. "So I looked at other Vulcans," she tried to shrug casually.

Sarek's eyes widened and then squinted calculatingly. "And whom did you consider?"

"Oh, a few males, but none of them did a thing for me when I thought about them. So I thought of the next best thing. The Klingon ambassador's attaché was _really_ attractive! I mean, like _whoa_! Remember that guy? And I've heard rumors about how fierce they are in lovemaking so-"

She was making fun of him! With this realization, there was a growl coming from his throat as he quickly flipped her so that her back faced his front. He was then biting into the back of her neck like a male lion trying to get his mate to fall in line.

"OUCH!" she exclaimed with a large smile on her face. "But I haven't finished my confession!" she said, no longer able to keep in her laughter. She was having too much fun with this.

"There is more?" he asked incredulously as anger filled him. But for some reason, he wished for her words to continue.

"Of _course_! I couldn't settle on a Klingon because well, where's the telepathic connection? I'd miss that!"

"So then you wisely deduced that perhaps your husband was your only alternative."

"Yeah…well, no," she admitted as she gazed back at him. "I wouldn't want to lie to you, now would I?"

He turned her back around sharply then. "Is there more you wish to add on this subject?"

"I started thinking about Deltans then. And the sexual and telepathic possibilities became—well they just became _endless_ at that thought." It was too much.

In the back of his logical mind he knew his wife was now baiting him. But he also knew she was speaking the absolute truth about the things that had crossed her mind. She had thought of all of these alternatives while he had not been attending to her needs. It was unforgivable to him that he had left the door of infidelity ajar. Amanda, because of who she was, had not walked through it.

Many Vulcan women would most certainly have gone elsewhere and then informed their husband they had found a mate who had attended to their needs either by requesting to immediately have their bond stripped or waiting for the Pon Farr and engaging in a Kal-i-Fee ritual.

But for Sarek, words had been spoken by his wife and they had to be addressed. He ripped her nightgown right off of her and then pulled her now bare form to his. One arm held her captive to his frame, pulled close, while the other hand remained free. The fingers of that free hand first tenderly traced the features of her face and then pressed to her psi-points as his eyes held hers. He waited but a split second as thought and intention suspended and time nearly stood still for them both. "Am I still what you wish to have?" he asked so as to be certain. Nothing would ever be assumed by him again concerning her.

"More than anything," she admitted breathlessly as she shivered with anticipation, her fingers questing beneath his shirt to feel the skin of his back.

He was there then, fully converging on her mind, as his mouth affixed itself to hers.

###

Amanda thought she had been exhausted before. She could now no longer even see straight. So she didn't bother. She closed her eyes.

"My wife?" he whispered as he lay next to her. "You are well?"

"Damn, Sarek," she could barely get the words out as she began to display a tiny smile. There was aches and pains only now beginning to manifest themselves to her. She was most certainly going to be sporting and array of bruises and bite marks later! "You made your point. I will never _ever_ think of anyone else," she said with half a grin.

"As is proper," he said. Most of the chocolate was out of his system. She had baited him well. He wanted to allow her to rest, but he found himself admitting, "My wife, I was troubled at your confessions."

She found herself thinking, _then you would have been __**scandalized**__ at my thoughts about half the Romulan men in that delegation from last year…_ She could hear another dangerously low growl coming from her husband and she quickly excused herself, "I'm sorry, was I broadcasting again?" She knew only her sheer exhaustion was keeping him at bay. She opened one eye and only just registered the sun beginning to rise and found herself laughing tiredly as she closed her eye again. He had most certainly made good on his word. "You don't have to worry about a thing," she assured him. "You're most certainly enough for me."

He pulled her close to his bare skin and settled her close to him as he stroked her back reassuringly. "Sleep, my wife."

"Oh, I will," were her last words as she dropped into a deep slumber.

###

She didn't awaken until the afternoon. After a relaxing shower, Amanda went to their replicator unit and was about to order something when Sarek said, "I took the liberty of ordering something from the kitchen, my wife. It shall be here soon enough."

"Thank you." She began looking for something suitable to wear from her suitcase.

"I think perhaps it is time we discussed the situation that is left between us. I wish to reiterate that I shall not interfere with your communicating with our son."

She gave him an honestly shocked expression. "I know, Sarek. You don't need to tell me again," she said as she put on her most comfortable clothing along with a pair of cushioned socks. She began looking for a comfortable sweater, then.

"No, you are not truly aware. I said I would make certain to not ask or tell you anything having to do with you communicating with our son, but in the spirit of our honesty I must specify that I contemplated intercepting any communications he made toward you."

"And how long did you consider doing such a thing?" she asked as she located the sweater she had been looking for.

"Five point five seconds."

"What stopped you?" she asked as she pulled it on and began to button it.

"It was not a logical action. It would have been an action borne of desperation and control. And that is not the way I wish to be, most especially where you are concerned."

She took a deep breath in and out as she sat down on their now made-up bed. "I appreciate that," she nodded. She sighed. "There's something else I haven't told you."

He grew still. "My wife?" he asked cautiously. He did not think he could take one more confession of his wife's mental wanderings on the subject of other males.

"Yes. I was offered a job at the University of Maine two days ago."

"That is an excellent institution," he remarked. "In what department were you offered tenure?"

"A new Vulcan Studies department is being structured from the ground up. They want me to oversee its compilation and the hiring of staff. They also want me to teach one of the new classes on Vulcan history. That class doesn't start for another year, though. I didn't know what was going to happen with your duties and…" she shrugged. "I didn't know what to do. They said they'd wait a week for my answer."

Sarek found himself staring at his wife with awe. He knew she was a remarkable woman and this more than confirmed that. It occurred to him how many years his wife had put her career on hold while she followed him about the galaxy to this conference and that. "My wife, do you wish to take the position?"

"It would only be temporary," she said as the light of hope shone in her eyes. "I told them I could only do it for two years at the most. That's enough time to get the department properly structured, form the syllabus for the classes, find teachers and staff, advertise the classes and get funding. It's supposed to be a small department and it would only take ten students per year in most of the classes. The history class is the only one that will be a large typical university class with sixty to eighty students attending at a time. But I was adamant, there could be no Vulcan studies department without a class having to do with the teachings of Surakian philosophy. That's a class I wanted to have by itself, standing alone. I set the standard for it that only a Vulcan Master can teach it…and he or she picks the students he wants."

He said nothing at first as he watched his wife. Her body language betrayed she wanted this position very much. "That will be a difficult class to pass with such a firm taskmaster."

"I know," she shook her head with the ghost of a tiny smile.

"It will change a sincere student's entire life."

She shook her head again. "I know."

His head cocked to the side as he realized, "My wife, despite some of the negatives that you have encountered among my people, you have become their greatest ambassador, not I."

Her face flamed up at the compliment and Amanda found herself suppressing a flattered wide grin and shook her head. "I learned from the best."

He felt a deep well of satisfaction stirring within at her words. "T'Pau would be most interested in these classes and the department's funding."

She was turning red again as she said, "Yeah…um…I already spoke to her about funding. I figured even if I couldn't head the department, I could do that for them. T'Pau's already agreed to financially sponsor the first five years."

He was more than in awe with his wife at that time. But since he was aware that his people had, at times, been not so generous to her or their son he had to ask, "For what reason did you wish to undertake this endeavor?"

She didn't know if he would find her reasons frivolous or logical. But she knew he would understand. "My son is alone," she shrugged. "After all this time, how are we the only couple of our kind? How is he still the only human/Vulcan hybrid in this galaxy? I thought that maybe if our people could understand one another better, we would be more likely to expect the best and not the worst of one another, because right now, that's where we are. When a human sees a Vulcan walking by, they instantly give them this wide berth. They would rather not speak with or deal with them. There's this arrogance of emotion we seem to have that I can't even explain. Remember those terrible news articles after we got married wondering what it was I saw in you? As if by looking at us on the surface, they already know everything there is to know about us?

"And Vulcans? They think we're all weak simply because we show our emotions. The average Vulcan doesn't truly realize that most humans not only _can_ control their emotions to a greater degree, but so many of us already do." She smiled at him. "When you married me, you showed that a Vulcan could more than just coexist with a human. And this department, I want it to be a sign to Vulcan that humans are ready to understand their brothers from across the sky and more than coexist with them. Your people took the first step when they made first contact with us and now it's our turn. We're not going to change overnight, none of us on either side. We might not change at all, but we need to learn that we're both okay the way that we are and there is nothing wrong with either of us. And we need to stop expecting the worst from one another. It's time to start respecting one another just the way we are. Vulcans need to stop expecting humans to cut their emotions off and humans need to stop expecting Vulcans to start smiling and wearing their emotions on their sleeves."

He shook his head as he regarded her as if through new eyes. After a time, he decided, "We shall remain here on Earth for the time being, my wife."

Her eyes widened. "What? But your schedule!"

"You are more than correct in your reasoning. It is time for our people to understand one another better. I can think of no better person to facilitate that understanding. I truly believe that anyone else hired in this capacity would be wholly inferior. For the sake of better relations between our people, it is vital that you be the one to head this new department."

She threw her arms around Sarek and pressed her lips to his, more than simply happy in that moment. Her euphoria transmitted quickly through the bond and he found himself overwhelmed in floating heavy happiness.

_Your joy brings me completion, Amanda, more than any professional accomplishment I have ever attained._

She felt tears sting the backs of her eyes as she sunk into the solidness of his frame and let his arms envelop her, pulling her into his warmth as closely as possible.

* * *

_A/N - I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story. You've been very generous and I always say, and truly mean it, but every review is cherished by me._

_Special thanks to VickyFromGreece. She has convinced me to continue the saga of my Sarek/Amanda regular universe stories, so I'm going to write you folks another tale of this couple hopefully in the near future.  
_


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